This is not your father’s Robin Hood.

This is not your fathers Robin Hood....


Nor your grandfathers, nor your mothers, grandmothers, great grandmothers, etc…Well, MAYBE your mothers, grandmothers, great-grandmothers, sisters, neices and so-forth as it IS starring Russell Crowe.

But you get the idea, no?

Dark, grainy, lacking in special CGI affects and surprisingly not as controversial and political as “Kingdom of Heaven,” nor as beautiful; Ridley Scott's "Robin Hood" is so much less about the band of merry men camping out in Sherwood Forest stealing from the rich and giving to the poor (so old school, BTW) and more about a whole country of really pissed off men who are exhausted of the autocratic rule imposed upon them. Those pissed off men are not only taxed beyond comprehension due to being in a long, tiring and taxing (no pun, seriously) war in the Middle East, but are threatened, beaten, stolen from, land pillaged and destroyed, killed, etc…. Various horrible atrocities that occur during the Middle Ages to normal folke despite they HAVE paid their taxes.

This Robin Hood is a prequel set in an England that is bankrupt by years of war in the Middle East; in this case, the Crusades. It is the story of people who have been taxed to death by a corrupt government (Hmmm…sound slightly familiar? And more recent?) who are now ruled under the thick thumb of an upstart, young and very green/wet-behind-the-ears ruler who is running his mother’s “beloved” country into the ground. The wonderful Eileen Atkins from “What a Girl Wants.” plays his mother, Eleanor of Aquitaine. Sad thing about this role is Vanessa Redgrave was to play Eleanor but her daughter; Natasha Richardson had just died from that Montreal skiing accident as filming began.

It starts with a usual occurrence among the French and English during the Middle Ages; war. After the death of Richard I in battle at the Chalus-Chabrol Castle, (not true; he had taken the castle but was walking the perimeter of the castle and accidentally hit with an arrow by a cook. Unlike the movie where Richard died immediately in battle, Richard died from sepsis caused by the arrow wound). Robin Longstride (WHO?) and his not-so-merry men make their way homeland, having spent ten years fighting abroad. Along the way they come across an ambush of the King's guard by Sir Godfrey; an English Knight with French ancestry. Phillip II of France ordered Sir Godfrey to kill the Lionheart, Richard. Having learned the King died in battle, Sir Godfrey is chased off by the arrival of Robin and his not-so-merry-men. Robin comes upon one of the dying Knights, Sir Robert Loxley who begs Robin to return his sword to his father in Nottingham. Determined to return to England richer in pocket than they left it Robin and his men steal the armor/chain maille off the slain Knights and move to the English ships on the coast disguised as the slain Knights returning the English crown to the future King John.

After that, the rest of the movie is just a bit of a blur.

Brilliant battle scenes including a huge all inclusive battle ala “Lord of the Rings” with a headstrong and tough Maid Marion donning chain maille and armor to assist her “husband.” Robin became “Robin of Loxley” after returning Robert’s sword to his father (played by Max von Sydow), who paid Robin to pretend he was Marion’s husband; the returning Robert. It apparently fooled everyone as this obviously a time of no photos, computers, Iphones, internet, etc…and since Robert of Loxley was gone for about ten years, who would really remember, right?). Of course, you have to have the headstrong wife (played by Cate Blanchett) run amuck with a sword not quite working it as well as Eowyn from LOTR’s. Then we have Robin slightly abandoning his duties as a soldier to come to her aid, of course, how gallant; but not without making his mark on various French men with his arrow and bow, literally! I love a good swashbuckling-bow-&-arrow movie, but this one had more bows and arrows than Ted Nugent’s house.

Aside from a few glorious battle scenes and the fact that there is minimal blood, practically no swearing and minimal “love scenes,” this is very kid friendly adventure movie for 10 year olds and up. Maybe even under 10 as I know of 8-year-old boys who LOVE slasher flicks. Those are worse than this version of Robin Hood, IMO.

Kid friendly along the lines of Pirates/Caribbean, but not with as much fanfare or fun.

Costuming is brilliant, set design would rival a Renaissance/Medieval Faire, not too much of the CGI going on, which I think is better, IMO, but aside from all that… this movie?

Boring.

Quite boring, actually. Very, very dull.

Even the all-star cast that Ridley is recognized for having in most of his movies could not save the day. I will tell you one of the redeeming qualities aside from the various innuendos between Robin and Marion that made me chuckle out loud, the idiocy and ineptness of King John attempting to fight alongside his followers and peerage, is the fact that William Hurt, who plays William the Marshall did a Kevin Costner.

Meaning he flipped, and flopped between an English accent, then an American accent. Actually, he flopped more than anything.

I wish they was more Sheriff of Nottingham (played by “Pride and Prejudice’s” Matthew Macfadyen). I wish the young boys who at the beginning of the movie are seen stealing seeds and feed from the Nottingham warehouses were better explained; since all of a sudden near the end of the movie they intervene with Lady Marion and help her save Nottingham against a French invasion. I wish William Hurt did not remind me of Kevin Costner and used his wonderful acting talent and spoke with an English accent as even in “Jane Eyre” he lacked an accent acting in the role as the ever-angry Mr. Rochester. I wish Mark Addy (Full Monty, TV's Still Standing) as Friar Tuck had more screen time as he was just brilliant. I wish the not-so-merry-men had more screen time as well.

I wish, I wish, I wish!

Despite that, you are NOT going to get the PC, preachy, politicized version of a Ridley Scott movie as with “Kingdom of Heaven.” Nor will you see Robin give to the poor, steal from the rich...blah blah, as it has yet to happen since this movie ends right where the tales and legends of “Robin of Loxley” or “Robin of the ‘hood,” begins. You will see the Sheriff of Nottingham yell at everyone about how they will lose their land, their lives, etc…, if they are harboring the outlaw, Robin of the Hood. You will see the sheriff’s scream at his subjects, in particular when he yells a request for a nail and hammer to post a "wanted" poster of Robin, which is met with the ubiquitous response of an arrow sent personally from Robin. You will not see historical accuracies, as this is just a movie, despite the fact that I painfully pointed out Richard I’s actually manner of dying.

You will not see Russell Crowe in green tights (darn!), but you will see him without a shirt looking quite….Uhem.

Nice.

You will see him in tight pants, green ones too! You will see him use that bow and arrow often. You will hear him flip occasionally with his accents as well. You will see him act like Maximus. The acting of Russell Crowe is amazing, but in this case, he brought out the Maximus from a ten year hiatus. He sounds like Maximus, looks like Maximus. Darn, his hair even is styled like Maximus. Maybe the only way Russell can get into a historical character of this caliber is to channel Maximus. Which is sad as Russell is an amazing actor.

And he usually sounds like he’s from Australia.

I told my husband this movie was a diet version of “Gladiator/Kingdom of Heaven” combined. I would wait for it on either satellite/cable if I were you. Unless you are an enormous fan of Robin Hood and have to see everything related to Robin from the Errol Flynn version, the Mel Brooks “Men in Tights” version, the dreaded (sorry, IMO) Kevin Costner version (the saving grace of that version was Alan Rickman as the Sheriff of Nottingham), even the BBC television show that blows my mind to this day still, I’d wait.

Overall?

Out of four stars: **
Pros: Good action, great cast, OK storyline, great battle scenes and easy on the eyes for younger kids, 8 yrs. and older.

Cons: Slow, obviously historically inaccurate (you want history? Watch the History Channel or go read about Richard I and his family and Robin Hood if you want history. This is fun stuff), bad accents or…lack thereof. Dull. Mediocre storyline. No green tights on Robin and Robin = Maximus